Thursday, August 28, 2008

God, why must I stay so Blind?


Ever since i have become a christian I have always had the faith and trust in God that he will always bring me through even if i could not see were he was taking me. In a sense he is keeping me blind but still leading me.

But for me being blind is getting really old! God Must really like keeping in the dark, because I have remained blind for a while now. I meet people who no Gods calling for them, weather it be youth ministry, or worship ministry or and secular job. I know people who are really good and stuff and can honor God in that. Why can't I be like that! Sure I'm good at being nice and uplifting, but where the crap is that gonna get me!

I am not good at anything of worth, i have no calling in my life, I never know where i'm going to be from week to week. What if I am just waisting my money on all this college stuff? In the past i could always talk to a mentor about this kinda of stuff but God found it necessary to completely remove all of them from my life at the moment. WERE AM I GOING TO TURN NOW! When my dad was still alive i could always count on him being there when i needed help. No matter the time of day, or the date, or location he was always freaking there!! I'm tired of being blind! I'm tired of not knowing where to go next! Satan sure knows how to dish out the low blows don't he?

I feel like I'm just adrift in an ocean and God is the current. I have no idea where its gonna take me, I can only hope it takes me to land.

It's not that I lost my faith, it's just that I get tired of holding on to only that so tightly.

So for now I will just keep praying.

6 comments:

Tina said...

Mikey,
Hang in there! I'm still waiting to figure out what God wants me to be doing with my life and I am A LOT older than you :)
I know it gets old hearing it but it's all in God's time and you may not know until after it happens but God has big plans for you. Keep working hard at whatever you do and you will figure it out.
And don't ever forget that there are a lot of people who love you tons, even if you are far away from us. K?
Mama S

Barbara said...

Mikey,
Welcome to the land of not knowing - I can relate 100% as I am in the same place.

You have a lot to offer and God will show you.

You are loved by many.

J-Duff said...

Hey, man, I know how you feel. I'm not completely sure where God wants me, either. I thought I knew, but I'm beginning to think I was wrong. So right now I'm as blind as you are. I'll be praying for you.

~J-Duff

yourstorymatters said...

i am also trying to figure gods plan for my life.

I feel like it does not matter to him as long as we remain faithful.

however that does not help us figure out which road to take

very confused

yourstorymatters said...

travi

I feel just as lost and I have a child on the way.

To tell you the truth this feeling really sucks
i have been begging god for years , but still do not know which way to go.
I'm starting to think he doesn't care, as long as I love him and stay faithful.

Of course that does not help me knowing which path to go down

Unknown said...

Dear Mikey,

I just ran across your blog today. I know that what you are going through is very, very painful.

Please keep asking. God will answer and give you light - but it will be in His time. He prepares my heart to enable me to hear and keep truth.

Elijah could not come to the widow until she could see that her last meal was going to be her last meal. As long as she had hope in continuing to live in her own strength, God waited. You and I can only live by Christ giving Himself for us. That is painful - I can do nothing without Him. I can only live to the extent that Jesus gives Himself for me - He is my only life and only hope of life.

12 So she said, "As the LORD your God lives, I do not have bread, only a handful of flour in a bin, and a little oil in a jar; and see, I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die."
1 Kings 17:12 (NKJV)

Mikey, I too have only one hope of receiving sight. Only Jesus can reveal the Father to me and only the Father can reveal the Son to me, but He promises to do so if I will come to Him. Lord, I don't know how you will give me rest (just as You turned the water to wine) or reveal Yourself to me, but I come to You and place all of my hope in You. I am dead, but my hope in You is to make me alive. I cannot help You, but I come to You and ask you to give me life.

27 All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knows the Son, but the Father; neither knows any man the Father, except the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him.
28 Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest for your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matt 11:27-30

Mikey, we have only one faith - that Jesus loves us and will give Himself for us. I too often don't go to Him in that faith - that He loves and will love me. After far too many years of frustration, hurt, and rebellion, God is forcing the issue again with me. I must come to Him and place my hope to live in His hands - to declare the Father to me.

Mikey, God bless you.

Mark R.